the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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