you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
