So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
