is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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