just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
