Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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