My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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