It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
