How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
