We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
