I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
