So gin and wine won't be happening again
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
