I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We need to rekindle our bromance
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
