nut hugger
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
