Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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