I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
why is half of my head shaved?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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