We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
