picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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