I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
