All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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