You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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