u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Terrible idea I love it
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
