Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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