Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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