Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
