some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
