is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize