well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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