You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just threw up on my dentist
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Send help, water and tortillas.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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