NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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