The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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