was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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