That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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