Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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