my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
