So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
honey bunches of taint.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
