I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
