she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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