I queefed so loud it echoed.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
