My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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