and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
