it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize