what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
