If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize