just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
