dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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