I wish I could punch you in the face.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
