hotel room ftw
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
