i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
