No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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