Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
