The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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