It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize