I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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