Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
