why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
