Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
