My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize