Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
