I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
id be glad to
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
