maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
