Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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