it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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