ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
