i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
