I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
