Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
