We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
