my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
